Secrets to your Online Dating Success.

Image by Gerd Altmann
With continued growth and popularity, it is the hope for many that their journey into online dating will lead to a beautiful relationship, maybe even marriage.
But for most people, they can and often do find the first steps into their journey online somewhat scary at best. But before you race into the unknowns of finding your true love online, is to remember that online dating can be a seen more like a marathon over and above a sprint.

So, if you are looking for your true love over and above a quick overnight hook up, then you best relax back and enjoy the journey.

With that, the first question you will need to ask yourself is, what type of relationship you are seeking? Are you looking for a causal relationship, or are you looking for a lifelong partner?

Based on your answer to that question, then by shortlisting from the many dating sites, you can now narrow down to the websites that are suited to your desired outcomes. From here, your next step will be to draft up and create your online profile.


How to write a good online dating profile.

Tip: Your online dating profile gives potential searchers on your chosen dating site their first insights into you as a person. And It is those first impressions that will determine your success in finding a suitable partner online.

Before you even put pen to paper in preparing your draft, following some tried and tested rules will help you create the best possible profile.

1. People like to engage with and are attracted to people whose portfolios give a real and honest overview of themselves.

2. Where possible, be natural, authentic, relaxed, humble a little vulnerable and have a sprinkling of humour. The flip side is that people were ae often turned off by profiles that sound false and or too good to be true.

3. The real deal approach also applies to your age, height and weight, and those numbers need to match your photos. If you smoke, have children or any other related information you also need to let your potential partner know upfront.

4. It is essential not to go out with a shotgun approach in your quest to finding a partner, but to be clear in what you want out of a match with your perfect partner. Be it marriage, children or a partner to travel and or to share your life's experiences with that someone special.

5. Feel comfortable to tell your potential partner about yourself and what makes you, you, and what your passions and dreams are, without worrying about what others may think.

6. Lastly, do not be afraid to ask people who may be a potential partner to get in touch with you and or to ask you some more questions at the end of your profile.

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain If you're not into yoga if you have half a brain. If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape, I'm the love that you've looked for, write to me, and escape."

Online dating profile mistakes.

7. With your dating profile, less is often more. If you tell people everything up front, you are probably going to bore the shitters out of them, and they will usually leave before reading all of your profile.

8. It is best practice to be more a window where people can see a small but clear view of you without a long-winded story that goes with it. This approach also leaves room for people to contact you and for you to expand on topics and discuss further on.

9. Your profile should not be boring, have bad grammar, include your past dramas or baggage, show that you are high maintenance and or seen as a negative Nancy.

10. Watch your words in that you do not say one thing then turn around and say the opposite in the next few lines and always be sure that your message is clear and it does not leave others shaking their head in confusion.

11. There is no need to tell everyone how good you are in the cot, or that you are next up and cumming John Holmes or Linda Lovelace.

12. Do not underestimate yourself or create a list of things that you are bad at as this will leave people with the impression that you are high maintenance and or have low self-esteem.

13. Do not make your profile into a dating's most wanted shopping list per se, by getting right down to the exact eye colour, and or any other small detail. This approach will only turn people away in droves, even if they do match your strict criteria.

14. In the same way, as you need to keep your photos updated, it also helps to keep your profile up to date with and of the latest information.

Tip: Study existing profiles and use the ones you like as inspiration when crafting your profile. Just to write as if you were talking across the table and talking with a friend over coffee.

online dating photo tips

Online dating photos tips.

Your picture is worth a thousand words and is one of the most critical parts of your profile as it is the first thing your potential date will see.

Your main profile photo would be a natural close up shot showing yourself as a relaxed fun person with a warm and natural smile.

Tip: It is important to remember that most people when browsing their messages, do not even look past the profile picture when choosing which ones to answer. So remember that your first impressions will be one of the most important things you can get right.

In addition to your profile picture is any supporting photos, and this would include another two to three photos that help others to learn a little more about you. These photos could consist of a full-body shot and then maybe an image with you doing a favourite activity to complete the set.

Tip: Let these photos complement and match your profile image in that they also allow you to glow in your natural sunlight.

It's also OK to have a few extra photos tucked away in reserve should somebody ask to see some more pictures.

It is also essential to use only recent photo's in that you do not want to post a picture of yourself from 10 years ago, just be yourself. There is enough love out there for everyone, and you want your partner to be the real deal as much as they want you to be the real deal.

Tip: What is essential here is, if asked for those seductive shots or similar to ask yourself if this the type of person that you want to communicate with or date? You are not obligated to share any picture if you do not want to, stay in control of your life and outcomes at all times.

Online dating & the photos you should avoid.

What you do not want to include is any photos where you use the look at me, over the top pictures in some desperate attempt to gain attention. Just think natural without the try-hard pose.

Do not post photos of any other family members, friends and or your children if you have them as you need to respect and or protect their privacy.
Unless you're looking for hot and steamy sex, stay away from those sexy photos and leave them in your private collection. You can share those at a later date if you need to.

Keep your photos updated.

Where possible over time it is OK to add new photos to your timeline, removing some the older ones.

By adding new photos, it will help you gain more attention. For example, an admirer following your journey may now start to communicate with you, or you gain the attention of somebody who may have passed by on a previous occasion.
In addition to this, some sites will see new photos as a new activity and such move your profile higher in the search results.

One last step before you upload your profile.

Lastly and before you push the button and load up your online profile, have an objective and honest person in your life, read your profile and view your photos. Then allow them to give honest feedback and make any small adjustments that may be needed before you push the go button.

The ins and outs of online dating messages.

1. The more messages that you send and engage with others, the more active will be those who respond to your messages.

In that, your success is really in direct proportion to your efforts. (Keep in mind that this does not mean that you blindly start sending out messages of hope to every single person on the site.)
2. When choosing to send out messages, remember that just like your profile, you do not need to be long-winded.

3. Reach out with a warm hello, remembering to be genuine in your words, to leave out any sexual comments and or anything that makes people feel uncomfortable.

4. Where possible reference a common interest points and include a and a call to further action by asking a question or two in your message.

5. When you first start out sending messages, it may be that you get none and or just a few replies and that this is more the norm than the exception and in that do not it let it bother you too much.

As time goes on, you will have a better understanding of how everything works. In that, you will get better at sending messages that have a higher response rate. With more practice, the better you will get, and here a degree of patience and understanding of the process plays a big part.

Tip: Not everyone will reply to your messages. That in itself is a good thing, you're not looking for a rush of people flooding in, but that one person that you have been looking for so remain both consistent and patient.

6. The first and golden rule is that you should never feel that you are required to respond to every message that you receive. But for those you do wish to write back to, do not keep these people waiting for three blue moons before you send your response.

7. And for those messages that you do respond to, always reply to messages in the same way that you would like others to respond to you. Keep it short and sweet, and in that only say what is sincere and kind, and ask a closing question if you wish to keep the conversation flowing without going into great details.

Tip: One crucial thing to look for during your conversation and especially before going on a date with that person, is any warning signs or red flags raised from the questions that you have asked.

online dating tips
  Image by Rachel Scott

Online dating messages, the mistakes and what not to do.

Not making the first move or replying to those who reach out in some way, this may be due to fear of rejection and or nobody replying to your messages.

Where possible reach out to at least one or two people every other day or so to new people and or to those who have contacted you in some way that you think you may like to get to know better.

Take the stress of yourself here in that you are not asking for marriage on the spot and a lifetime of bliss but instead just a beautiful but simple message that reaches out and says hello.

When sending out messages, it can be that your efforts fall by the wayside of wasted sleepless nights and that nothing at all stirs amid the darkness and shadows of the online world.

And while it may seem like another night of watching home alone on the TV for some, just remain happy and enjoy the process sooner or later your efforts will pay off.

The best way to keep your profile visible is to remain active as many sites push non-active members down the list and allow them to fall by the wayside.

Following in this thinking is not to take anything personally. Know that not everybody is going to respond to you or people might say hello then disappear into the wilderness of life never to be seen ever again.

Some may give you a number to call and or book a date, and the list goes on but never show. Whenever this happens, do not take it to heart, but just let it pass as a normal part of the online dating process.

Their reasons in most if not all occasions for will be more about themselves and their insecurities, so don't worry, be happy and just move on with a smile.

On that note and directly related is that you should never feel obligated to have to respond to every single message you get. It is OK to keep your wheels moving on down the clickety track.

If you do respond to messages, remember people can start asking uncomfortable questions, such as past partners and why those relationships did not work out.

If so remember that you do not have to answer any question that makes you feel uncomfortable and or is you own private information. You will have time to talk about the details in the future with the right person / your soulmate.

Tip: Always protect your privacy. Only give out private information such as email or home addresses, phone numbers to those who you can trust.

If you want you could create a new email address and purchase a cheap phone with a prepaid sim. That way if you do end up with unwanted attention, it will be easy for you to cut these people out of the loop and move on.
meeting someone you met online in real life
Image by Rachel Scott

Going out on your first date after meeting that special person online.

In most cases, it can be hard to tell what people are like until you meet them in person, and as to when you should first meet with people, no rule applies to everybody.

In general, if you have half a dozen or more chats and they are going well, then the sooner you can get to know each other a little more the better.

You could add to one of your chats a simple open invitation. "I am enjoying chatting with you, and maybe down the line and it works for you we could catch up for a coffee so we could get to know each other a little more?"

Tip: Always take your own car and or transport to the date and where possible tell a friend where you are going and when you should be back.

Your first date should be a low-key event for a coffee (where possible limit or avoid alcohol) and a chat and is best in a public place as it takes away any pressures and offers a secure environment.

It is best to plan a short get together as this allows for you not to get stuck in a date where things are not going as well as you had hoped.

Forget the million and one questions, understanding that people like to talk about themselves over and above not allowing them to get a question in because you just have not stopped talking.

Here it is best to take cues from your messages and in particular this persons hobbies, interests and or work life and ask questions about those topics.

With any questions asked, answer them also in an honest way. Nobody likes waffle so keep your reply short but detailed. Remember as above people want to talk about themselves so push the conversation back to your date by asking them another related question.

Tip: With the more questions asked, and the more you listen, the more you will learn, and you cannot do that if you are the one always talking.

If you find that you are enjoying your date, you could then choose to go on to a dinner or movie invitation or similar if that option comes up.

If you are on the fence and not sure if your date is the right person for you, then consider maybe a second date. With no need to wait for days to make the call, the best timing is probably the next day or as soon as possible after your first date.

If things do not seem to be going as you hoped you could just choose to leave it only at the coffee, and with this keep in mind that you are unlikely to find your Romeo or Juliet first time out.

In that not to be disappointed but rather enjoy the journey. If there is no real connection, just say that to your date in an honest and friendly way, in that you should treat everyone in the same way you would like somebody to treat you.

At the end of the day and as the sun goes down, online dating is about going on many dates as you can until you find your perfect partner. Keep your photos updated and continue to message and reply consistently and most of all to enjoy the journey.

quietSecrets wish you well in your online dating adventures and hope that you find your perfect dating partner and or your forever soulmate.

We hope you enjoyed our article. If you would like to share your online dating experiences, we encourage you also to help others in your life's journey so that they too can be the best that they can become in their lives by leaving your comments below. qS
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