How to discuss a sexless marriage with your spouse.

Image by Jerzy Górecki 
As time passes, and or if the sound of little feet has become a regular part of your married life, physical intimacy often gets lost in the dust and cobwebs of the good times past.
From then on in, it will and does take extra work from both partners to keep their sex life both enjoyable and active.
 
If things are not working out for you as you think they should be in the bedroom, then the best thing is to not hide under the sheets of a sexless marriage hoping for a miracle.
 
With the passion, romance and intimacy a memory, you can feel lonely and or no longer desirable. Deep down in your heart, you still love your partner, and everything is perfect, It's just the sex that is missing in action, and this is where everything keeps heading south if you choose not to do anything about it.
 
The good news is that if the love is still there, then in most cases you can rebuild the relationship with your partner, even making it better than it was before.
 
If your partner has stopped initiating sex, the reasons may include one and or a combination of the following reasons.
 
For all of us at some time or other our sexual drive changes and in knowing that your sex drive can change over time, also understand that your partner's sex drive can also change and this alone can be the reason why things are not going to well in the bedroom.
 
In addition to that, could be any one or more of the following underlying problems being, conflict, anger, resentment, Infidelity, stress, tiredness, grief, health issues, Job loss or dissatisfaction, financial problems, aging, body image issues, insecurity, poor communication, boredom, childbirth, not being able get and or stay hard (for him), a dry vagina (for her).
 
To add one last hurdle, it can become at best challenging to talk with your partner and address any problems that you may feel you have with your relationship?
 
You may end up walking around in circles for weeks, wondering just what to say and how to say it, and it makes it harder in that you may fear rejection and or that of being judged. Your sex life can be a scary and a difficult topic at best to cover for anyone.
 
At any time, around 1 in 10+ couples are probably facing similar problems as to the ones you are experiencing now. With that, you are not the first couple, and you definitely won't be the last to be having problems in the bedroom.

But If you genuinely want your relationship to be all that it can be, you will need to take the time to talk with your partner.


 
When seeking to discuss your sexual relationship with your partner, there is no need to rush things and or to make to your partner feel uncomfortable.

Never point the finger of blame and or put your partner down and or send them on a guilt trip. Instead, praise the positives in your relationship, and where possible avoid talking about sex in the bedroom or after sex.
 
It is also important not to spring the topic of your relationship onto your partner. Quietly ask your partner to sit down with you at a time that suits to discuss your feelings in regards to your relationship and that you feel over time, things may have changed for both of you.
 
"While we may not want to go back to "the good old days", I would like to work towards a new beginning for this period of our lives, and was wondering if there is something that we both could change for each other that would help us to remain close as we move forward."
 
Being close emotionally is integral to any healthy relationship so discuss ways of spending more time together to explore and enjoy the feelings of passion and love without the pressures of sex.
 
Go out for fish n chips on the beach, go see a movie, go for a walk together or go away for a while on a short vacation as these activities can help build closeness and emotional intimacy.
 
Lastly ask to talk with your partner another each other's expectations, fears, desires and any concerns that you may have in the bedroom and ask that you both be honest so that you both can benefit and respect each other's views.
 
In this discussion, do not be afraid to talk about your likes and or dislikes as this will allow for deeper understanding and trust, resulting in better sexual experiences for you both.
 
Avoid the magic tricks, where you start pulling sex toys or related objects out of your magic hat, without discussing these things with your partner first, and this will be the time to do that.
 
It can be that you also discuss things like premature ejaculation, a dry vagina and or any of those other nasties that can kill the mood and or make you and or your partner feel uncomfortable.
 
Understand these things can be fixed and or overcome, and it is best to consult with your doctor in regards to any underlying medical conditions that may be impacting your sex life.
 
Talking with your partner often helps, and as the years roll by, you need to change things up to keep your marriage and sex life fresh. Your relationship should be an ongoing discussion and not a once-off.
 
It may be that you reschedule your next catch up after your chat as a way to review if you and your partner are happy with any changes made and or if there should be some more fine-tuning needed.
 


Image by Brandon Roberts 
 
When you have the balls rolling, then you could suggest that each takes their turn to make a move and initiate the sex. Any proposed changes must be agreed to by both parties willingly and never forced.
 
Being open and able to communicate freely about your sex life with your partner will lead to a well-balanced and robust sex life that satisfies both partners. While the frequency of your sex may slow down over time, the quality should increase, giving an equal and if not improved satisfaction for both partners.
 
If after talking with your partner and they do not agree that there is a problem in your marriage and they do not want to change, you will have to decide if a low or no sex marriage is going to be for you or not.
 
For those on the other end of "not tonight" answer or similar, it can often lead to hesitation and or lack of desire to keep you from asking your partner to talk about your relationship.
 
If you are the person with the "not tonight" response, then it will now be your call to reignite that relationship by making the first move as your partner would have stopped asking by now.
 
Lastly if after chatting with your partner, you find that they still do not care about you or the marriage, the passion, intimacy, desire is no longer and at best your just being kind to each other in a bad situation, you will need to ask yourself if this relationship is one you want for the rest of your life?

 
We hope you enjoyed our article. If you would like to share your experiences in regards a sexless marriage, we encourage you also to help others in your life's journey so that they too can be the best that they can become in their lives by leaving your comments below. qS
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